The Weekly Bitch {1} Random Bitching

 

[box type=”warning”] The Weekly Bitch is a place where Lethal, AH and myself can unload our book reading gripes. Maybe you’ll find you agree with some, and others you won’t. Maybe you keep coming back every week just to see what we have to say, or maybe you won’t. One thing is for sure, we won’t censure, but we won’t be mean. Be prepared for swearing, ranting, bitching and moaning. Badass Style.

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Lethal’s 5 Bitches:

  1. Protagonists with an extreme amount of self pity. I started Ripple by Mandy Hubbard thinking “Ooh! A Siren (kind of like a mermaid, only they sing men to their deaths) heroine! How unique!” Unfortunately, I DNF’d (did not finish) that book so quick I got whiplash. Why? Because of the heroine, Lexi. For the life of me I could not understand why she not only blamed herself for her friends treating her like utter shit after a devastating lost-when they should’ve been consoling her-but that still wanted to be friends with them. For 130+ pages it was “They hate me! They should hate me! I’m a terrible person! I still love them” on & on. Ugh.
  2. PWP (porn without plot). Reading “The Nymph King” by Gena Showalter last month was a trial. The hero & heroine had nothing in common but raging lust. I love steamy sex scenes just as much as the next person-hell, probably more-but if there is no real plot interspersed, a book is in serious danger of going into hardcore porn territory. And this book did. What’s worse is the sexing wasn’t even all that sexy. *tear*
  3. When McDouche is confused with McBadass. I heard many good things about a historical romance I decide to read last month. About how the hero was so dreamy. So masculine & powerful. My reaction after finishing said book? Um, WTF? When did abrasive & anger-prone asshole turn into “Ooh la la!”
  4. The horrific way gay men are portrayed in historical/paranormal romances and urban fantasy. Why is it that gay men are either portrayed as flamboyant or worse, the villain? In an erotic historical romance novel I read last month, one of the villains & the heroine’s father (who’s also a bit a of a villain) were both homosexual. Homosexual, sadistic & downright evil. I could shrug that off if it was an isolated incident. But most of the romances I read with gay male characters have them either snapping their fingers in the air or plotting to sodomize and kill the hero/heroine. Why does it seem like some authors think evil & gay are synonyms?
  5. This last one is more of a pet peeve. The Too-Perfect Boyfriend/Love Interest. I’m sure we all want the perfect guy who sweeps us off our feet and makes our nether regions think naughty things. But when the guy is too perfect, it goes into creepy zone. He’s always there when you need him. Never talks down to you and agrees with everything you say. Opens doors and gives you multiple orgasms. Maybe I’m the crazy one but after awhile I start thinking “WTF is this guy hiding?!?” I like men with imperfections because that makes them more relate-able and less larger than life. A guy who is does nothing wrong and everything right might as well be a Ken doll sans the flesh-colored tighty-whities.

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Erika’s 5 Bitches:

  1. The last few books have had me bashing my head up against the table and the wall, and shutting my kindle. What is with having a whole shit load of information, or fight scenes, or um how about conclusions of the darn book—be done off page? Then we get a few sentences in hindsight and bam…onwards to something else. Two words…COP OUT. Major cop out. It’s like, why bother showing the reader what they should be seeing, and just hurry up and write this damn thing so the publishers will get off my ass!
  2. Recycled or common names. I can’t tell you how many books have the same names in them and I get so confused. Hero’s names and Heroines names should be somewhat unique in my opinion, to make them memorable, but not standout like Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen. But something not as simple as Anna, Adam, Mike, John or Bella. When the names are all the same, the books all feel the same and then I mess up storylines. Not good!
  3. Sort of book related, but updating the template to Badass book reviews site was a royal PITFA and it’s not even done yet. As you can tell {Gosh I hope it’s fixed before this post has to go live.. LOL} CSS is not my best friend… Seriously, staring at code all day and trying to make sense of it is like Neo trying to read the computer screens at first in the Matrix. W.T.F is this crap? Then slowly, he starts to get it.
  4. A good bitch…Tuesday the 6th released so many good books I had no idea which to read first as they all downloaded at the same time! Archangel’s Blade by Nalini Singh, The Dragon Who Loved me by G.A Aiken, Cipher by Moira Rogers, plus a few I bought on a whim because I didn’t know what kind of mood I was in. That doesn’t count the ARC books I requested or have been given <sigh> I know…poor, poor me <lol>
  5. Too many ABC books. “I went to the GSMF and got me some CGMEBAS and then I rode in my 69 chevy camaro with leather seats and retrieved my T9AK47 AR with NVS and wore my Jimmy choos with my name brand jeans and then I got my Ka-Bar and was arrested by the 5-0 then had to call my LR on the DL so my CO FBI G Boss doesn’t find out I’m FUBUR and MIA.”~Did you catch any of that? Probably not right? Because the majority of readers just SKIP THAT SHIT!!~It makes me crazy. I hate every page being told what the hero and heroine are wearing down to the brand and color of their socks, when just telling me they were wearing socks would suffice.

~ The fact they are wearing Armani and Gucci? I could care less, but good for them.

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AH’s 5 Bitches:

  1. Forced humor – a little is fine, but when you are joking at every sentence – it does get tiresome.
  2. Self deprecating humor, unless you are Harry Dresden – then you are allowed.
  3. Couples in Urban Fantasy that marry and lose that sizzling spark immediately – where’s the honeymoon.
  4. Why would an immortal choose to go back to high school unless they wanted an easy lunch?
  5. How about smells and tastes – ie vamp blood tastes like cinnamon. she smelled like Lavender, it gets tiresome

 

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Random Bitches from our Chat Session

that were just too funny not to include:

  • impulsive heroines and the men that hold them down
  • when a series goes on to long….cough Sookie cough LKH cough Janet Evanovich
  • Another Bitchfest – extra h’s and specialized language true dat?
  • ~whhat dho youh meanh abouht extraha letterhs
  • ~ugh emo vamps 
  • ~sunglsses 24/7?
  • If you are in high school and a vampire – what happens if you were around a bunch of menstruating girls?
  • ~ Bloodfest!
  • ~ EWWWWWW
  • ~ maybe you carry around blood in your coffee cup thingy–sippy when your nippy

 

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