I hate writing bad reviews. I really, really do. But I just can’t help this snarkfest. Sorry ya’ll.
So, here I am again. I swore I wouldn’t read another Evanovich Plum Novel–after my last review of Smokin Seventeen, I swore tooth and nail to my husband, my mom, and my blog readers that I wouldn’t read it! So…I went to the library. I really just had to know if it was as bad as the previous one. After being teased that she might make a decision in 18, I let my small curiosity overshadow my intellect.
Remember back in the day of the early awesome plum books, where Stephanie felt BAD for kissing Ranger when she was dating Morelli? Remember back in the day where she swore she would never be like Joyce the whore? Remember? Well, it seems Stephanie has inhaled too many donuts, smoke fumes–from her cars always catching fire, and hair spray, because after she slept with Ranger and Morelli on back to back nights in 17, cementing her in my hoochie hall of fame; She is now sleeping with both men regularly in 18. How many times was it? 3 or so with Ranger? 2 or 3 with Morelli and then I’m sure her and Ranger had more sex in Hawaii than we were told. I mean, dudes–it’s Ranger…and Hawaii. I would! Well, I would if I wasn’t conflicted or dating another man, but hey, that’s me. I have morals and scruples and a code of non-whorism.
I wish Joe had caught Steph having sex with Ranger in Hawaii. That would have been good. I also wish we got to see Joe and Ranger fight. That would have been panty melting too. But No.
Picturing Lula in all black with painted on pants and boob squish, does make me laugh. I did laugh a little. But it doesn’t make up for the complete 180 degree turns every character in the Plum series has taken. Her mom is a lush, Steph is a whore, Ranger has no sack, Joe lost his possessive balls too, Lula still thinks too much about food, but she at least strives to be better…sometimes. When it’s easier 😉
It seems that after 18 books, Ranger and Morelli have lost their balls. Huh. Who would have seen that one coming. Heh, I said coming. Did Stephanie hear that? She probably is with one of them right now, and while in the throes with whomever it is, is secretly wondering how long she has to wait to sleep with the other one so she doesn’t seem tacky. Should she take a shower first? Nah. Why bother? She is just going to get sweaty again.
I jest. Sort of. I know, If I get so angry about the direction, why do I keep reading? I keep hoping things will change and they have! Finally, they have! Only for the worse. I remember thinking, why does she keep getting back with Joe? She should give Ranger a turn. Only, not this way. Why can’t she have a relationship again? For a whole book, let her be with Ranger! Then at the end, have Joe tell Ranger to meet him at midnight, in the dark park, alone. with no guns. Only fists. YAY!
Janet Evanovich? What on earth are you doing to your characters? They have completely morphed into pod-people. They have been replaced with robots!
Lula got on my nerves. She reminded me of Boomer from ESPN with his “Whoops!” with her “Bams!”
So, once again we are left on a ‘cliff’ only this time? I am not falling! I am going to back away, gracefully from the edge, and bow down to the awesomeness that Stephanie used to be, and keep her alive in my memories.
I am getting off the crazy train. If I want to read cars getting blown up, her sneaky snarkness, and some hot glimpses of two actual men…I’ll read the early plum books.
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