Part Two: Sex ~ Words and Phrases that are NOT Sexy

Awesome Song to go along with the post:

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Part two of my Sex discussion involves words that are so un-sexy that it throws you out of the scene, and out of the mood.

There are also phrases that are just so odd and funny that you can’t imagine what the author might have been thinking about. Certainly not sex.  Like referring to a man’s balls as “Perfect spheres of pleasure”  or referring to his penis as an “appendage”.  Really? An Appendage? That makes me all hot and bothered. I much prefer to refer to a man’s junk as his anatomically correct phrasing “Penis” or “Cock”.  Not his “Member” not his “Tube Steak” not his “burning hunk of man love”. I mean really. What is wrong with calling a spade a spade?  Or as it were, a Cock a Cock?

Same goes for woman’s anatomy. It’s called a Vagina people. A lot of Erotica authors use the phrase “Pussy”. Now, it’s not my favorite word, but it’s not that bad. “Labia” is also used a lot, which is fine with me, as that is actually what the lips are called. But referring to a woman’s Hoo-Ha as her C-U-N-T, just No. Please no. I really hate that word. It’s so derogatory and it screams un-sexy to me. I just read a book by one of my favorite erotica authors and she actually used the word while in throes of passion.  I got my feminine hackles all up and I ended up rather pissed off at the usuage. It is not sexy! I would never refer to my bits as my “C”. I hate even typing that word.

Another C word is Clit. That word is acceptable. It’s what it’s called. Calling it her little passion flower? UGH. No. Flowery prose during steamy sex scenes is a big…giant…mood killer.

Many old school bodice rippers used flowery euphemisms to describe sex scenes and body parts, but that is a thing of the past. I say Bravo publishers and authors. Some of those purple prose descriptions are so cringe worthy they are laughable. But not sexy. Never sexy. How can calling a penis a ” Purple helmet warrior” or his “pumping pole” or his “pleasure piston” be considered sexy. It does make me laugh though. Laughing is good. Laughing during sex? Not good. <sigh>

According to NPR Books, the 2010 Bad Sex in fiction award went to author Rowan Somerville. The winning phrase?

“Like a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect with a too blunt pin he screwed himself into her.”

Um yea. For real-he wrote that. In a book. Wow.
Now, we can talk Breasts. They are Breasts right? Not “heaving Bosoms”, Not “twin globes of ecstasy” . Nipples often have funny names too. Why can’t we just call them nipples? Not “nubbins” not “Flat discs of eroticism” How about… “I licked his nipples.” Why “I licked his flat, hard nubbins.” Nothing says erotic like nubbins hm?

There are so many terms and funny phrases. Let’s open the discussion. What words

and phrases do you like, and what drives you out of the mood?

 

 

 

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Comments 21

  • Great post! I agree with a lot of these words. I do use the c word some in my new erotica but I'm not sure how it'll go over with readers. I'm going to have a few beta readers before I send it in to see what they think about the word usage. Had a lot of fun visiting with you. I think I'm fixing to search for part 1!

  • Couldn't help but snicker at this. I've never used appendage before, but I'm pretty sure I used cunt a few times, depending on the character. But "Burning hunk of man love." OMG, that is cracking me up. Loved this post. :o)

  • I can’t stand the term hotdog I actually had a guy ask if he could put is hotdog in my bun. I told him not rather likely. Great post I loved it. BTW a cock is a cock.

  • Ok, so I'm reading MacAlister's Dark Ones and the first book made me immediately think of this discussion. "tingly bits" and "happy place" (I may have made that last one up). For fuck's sake, be more creative! And chances are, if you decide to write a steamy sex scene that's not the time to err on the side of prudishness. Ugh. I had to get that out.

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  • "A Stiffening burning rod of velvet?"
    O.M.G giggles

    Yea the whole dripping pussies is rather gross…

  • LMAO @ UTCbookblog! I totally agree! Every time I see the phrase "dripping pussy" I think, oh, that chick has an STD. She'd better go to the gyno to get that fixed!

    Not sexy at ALL.

  • OK, I'm late for this one, but I have to agree 100% on the first C word you mentioned. It's sooo hard for me to get over the fact that some authors use that. Not cool, not sexy.

    And speaking on flowery and weird descriptions of reproductive organs… I'm reading something right now and I couldn't help but start laughing during a sex scene, aaaaaaand that's not exactly cool. "A stiffening burning rod of velvet".

    And would somebody please do something about all the "dripping" pussies? What is wrong with that picture? Disturbing!

    Great post!

    Francesca

  • ROFL! I agree on every point. Except for maybe the vagina part. Oddly enough, vagina seems more dirty to me than pussy. Labia is a nice one though.

    BTW, I read "Chasin Eight" too & didn't even realize the C-word was used. I've no doubt in my mind that it was probably because Chase dicknotized me. *swoon*

  • Wait – I can't write with the tears of mirth running down my cheeks.
    OK, I've recovered.
    Agree with every word of your post – this is one of the reasons I've stopped reading some of the older historical romances.

    • yea, I can't read older historical book either. I can't get into the plot devices…(You WILL love me, you WILL obey me, You WILL have sex with me, even though You don't want too, and then you will fall in love with me!) etc.

  • I hate the C-U-* *word too.

    Loved your post!!!

  • That was great – but just so you know – it is a little passion flower, not.

    Good reading ~ Escape by Fiction 🙂

  • LMFAO!!!!!!!! That was a fabulous post! I love it, we have all come across those weird phrases in the middle of sex scene that leave you wondering what the hell the author was thinking of! You know the "purple helmet warrior" thing sounds familiar! What book was that in?!

    Suzanne